Brandie Frampton: “What U See”
Dreary soccer mom pushes her drearily cherubic daughter’s C&W bullocks in an age of nothing but null-relevance American Idolbots molded from 100% Plastigoop, world reacts with blank, uncomfortable stares. The little brat sings her hookless Trisha Yearwood wannabe-isms with all the passion of a spanked Hansen, taking great pains to avoid straining her precious honky throat save for a rote nicking of Jewel during a Nickelodeonized version of “Brown Eyes Blue.” The title track would love to be used as a female WWF-er’s theme song, and there are some mad-skillz fiddle-glissandos to prove it, but the energy poops her out before she gets the slightest toehold. Order from D&LF
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