Danity Kane: “Danity Kane”

Filed under: Music Reviews   

(Bad Boy Records)

Since it’s all about fame nowadays and not substance or longevity, the Diddy/MTV-created Danity Kane sally forth blissfully unaware that nobody really wants to see one single Frankenhottie succeed as a serious artiste, let alone a Fox Force Five of them. Just ask, you know, Charlize Theron about her stock’s performance from Monster to Aeon Flux. And every-fricking-body - Storch, Diddy, Timbaland, Young Joc - had a hand in this, not an overwhelming show of confidence in the girls’ talent, thus all requisite misogyny’s in place. Whether or not the chickies can actually knock two notes together isn’t on the block, though, so they myna their routines dutifully, some sounding like Missy Elliott, some like Beyonce, etc. Lacy and ghetto fabby, it’s appropriate background for browsing Kmart’s furniture section on a weekday afternoon, much of it quite tuneful if about as adventuresome as swapping out the coffee filter. Highlights, or what have you, of the jaw-droppingly generic titles include “Heartbreaker”’s mutilation of the whole idea of “Love Rollercoaster” and the smash-drum diva-smackdown “One Shot.” Coincidence that their name rhymes with “vanity vain” or alien plot?

Posted on April 5th, 2007.

• Steven Mark: “Aloneophobe”
• Studio One Scorcher : Studio One Scorcher
• Stewart Lee Allan – The Devil’s Cup
• Lumari: “Emerge Dancing”
• Sontiago - Steel Yourself